NavNight Talk--[29.3.2011]

Title: The Nature of True Biblical Love

All love hath its foundation in relationship.
--John Owen

Introduction--

In Matthew xxii.34-40, Jesus sums up the entirety of our obedience in two commands: Love God, and love others. This certainly seems easy. And in fact, a religion built upon love has a great deal of cultural resonance. Why, then, is it so difficult?

Thing of the great variety of acts that are claimed to be done in the name of love. Both Jonathan's service to David and Amnon's rape of Tamar were acts motivated by the emotional experience of love. Very different in their outcome. Love is difficult because its true nature is little understood.

Part I-- The Nature of True Love

I John iv.10--This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sin.

From this passage, we can arrive at the following definition of love:

Freely willing the best to another

Let's examine this definition as displayed in God's love to us, and also in that which claims the name of love but is actually counterfeit.

1) "to another"--God's love is set upon an object, this object being an external person. All love goes out to another person.

Counterfeit love convinces us that we have set our love on another. However, the ultimate object is ourselves, and only secondarily others.

2) "willing"-- God's love acts. It is not an emotional expression (indeed, God being immutable does not experience passionate love), but an act, a decision. He sent his Son.

Counterfeit love exists primarily in the emotions and only secondarily in action. It may rise up to action, but not necessarily. This is why counterfeit love is so changeable, so temporary. Emotions change, and love which exists primarily in the emotions will change with them.

3) "the best"-- God's love is an exalting love, or a love that gives to its object that actual best. In this case, it is the reconciliation with God that atonement brings.

Counterfeit love generally desires good for its object (few men will evil as evil to another and call it love). However, it is a good that concurs with the good of the one loving, and not necessarily the best. The example of this is the parent who shirks the pain of discipline. He may give a good thing to his child (some pleasure, some desired thing), but in robbing him of the benefits of discipline, he does not give him the best.

4) "freely"-- God's love is without cause, spontaneous. It is not dependent on anything in the one loved. "Not that we loved God" John says, indicating that his love came not in response to our motions of love. It initiated. This is a universal declaration of Scripture. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Counterfeit love is most clearly delineated from true love here. Counterfeit love is dependent, conditional, and need-based. Counterfeit love asks first for something from the object of its love. We love because we are first loved.

Now then, since we are dependent creatures, capable of no truly free act, it stands to reason that all our love is counterfeit love. We can not move into love without asking for something back from the one we love. This is often obscured from us because we are receiving back from the other person what we want. This asking, this demanding from others some desired emotion, some need, this is generally not a conscious act.

So then, we are confronted with this paradox concerning love: True love must be free. Our love cannot be free. What resolves this?

John again makes it clear in his epistle: We love because he first loved us.

Part II--How to love others, and God

A foundation, and three steps:

Foundation

We must first be reconciled to God in Christ. Excluded from the presence of God by our sin, we are cut off from him whom we were meant to live upon. Christ came to bring those who were far off near to God. All those desires, all the needs which we ask the world around us to satisfy, were meant to be satisfied in God. You cannot love unless you have been born again.

In Christ, you are at peace with God. In Christ, God loves you. This love is a completing love that satisfies. This is the foundation you stand upon in this world, this word of peace spoken to you which meets your every need so fully that you are free to move outward in love towards the world around you.

This is the foundation. If you are not reconciled to God, your love will never be free.

Step 1

Seek to satisfy all your felt needs in Christ.

Though all needs are objectively met in the gospel, the weakness of our flesh and the turmoil of our worldly life daily disturbs us. We may seek from others a need that is properly met only in Christ. The human heart has two primary nees

1. To be known and understood

Objectively you are know by God. Pour out your heart to him.

2. To be loved and cherished.

Objectively you are loved by God. Speak to yourself this truth.

The pathway of satisfying our needs in Christ is a process of preaching to ourselves truth. Bring yourself daily to his presence.

Step 2

Know the limitations of your love, and seek to remedy them.

There are two limitations to our love.

1. Power-- We are limited by our ability to accomplish that which we want. We cannot bring all the good we want to others.

Remedy: Pray. God's power is not limited. Our model here is the group of friends who brought their paralyzed friend on a mat to Jesus.

2. Knowledge-- We are limited in our knowledge both of what is the best for others, and in the best way to bring it about.

Remedy: The Word contains all sufficient information for us. This is the meaning of Paul's prayer in Phillipians

May your love abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight

Step 3

Act.

Two warnings as you act in love towards others.

1. Loving another person may cause immediate pain to him or to you (or both). So the pathways of love may be difficult.

2. You may be wrong about your motives and the purity of your love. You must be humble, self-searching, and meek in your love. Seek sincerity (Paul: Love must be sincere)

Part III--The patterns of love

Here are a few short tips on improving your knowledge of the pathways of love. The duties of love change based on the nature of the relationship between lover and beloved. We see two general patterns in Scripture, modeled for us in the trinitarian relationship.

The love of protection or correction-- (the love of the Father for the Son), (a disposing love)
The love of obedience or respect-- (the love of the Son for the Father), (a submitting love)

These patterns exist first in our love to God. All love for God has the nature of obedience. We cannot love God apart from obedience. The emotional experience of our love must follow in this train, accompanying and making sweet the obedience that we render. Scripture is very clear that God is not loved unless he is obeyed. Jesus says the same thing! If you love me, you will obey my commands. Christ exist in relationship to us as the husband to the wife. Thus, as a wife to her husband, we must obey and submit to him.

These patterns are expressed in all human relationships. There are four primary human relationships.

1. Government-citizen (both civil and religious government)
2. Master-servant (we would say, employer-employee)
3. Husband-wife
4. Parent-child

Peer relationships should be defined by mutual submission, so that we sometimes express love to peers through protection and correction, and at other times by submission and obedience.

Part IV--A brief word on emotions

Most of us associate love very strongly with its emotional component, and it would be easy to assume from this sermon that I am entirely discounting that aspect of it, as if true love were cold and dispassionate, assessment based, coolly rational. Let me be clear in saying that the emotional experience of love, or the investment of our heart in the object of our love, is a glorious and beautiful thing. Indeed, God has seen fit to increase the emotional delight in others as relationship grow closer and closer, so that the nearest we will experience the joys of full relationship with him in heaven is represented to us by the husband-wife union.

However, the sweetness and joys of emotional love are meant to accompany and complete the physical actings of it. We must strive to bring our emotions into line with the Word of God and with our rational experience. Actions must lead emotions, not vice versa.