David, undignified

II Samuel 6:14-15

David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouts and the sound of trumpets.

O Lord, who has examined my heart, bring forth my praise in perfection, for I must groan what I cannot say, and if you do not purify it, my words must drop to the ground!

O Lord, my feet move, my hands wave, my head is thrown back, my throat is raw, my body in motion, all for the unity of heart and body, these two expressing to you what words cannot!

O Lord, you who made music that we may praise with the heart, who made music that the heart may be disciplined in its paths and approaches unto you, who made music that the frustrated soul might access that which he cannot express, who made music that this heart ache, this bitter sweetness might be relieved yet increased, O Lord, hear my song for it is your song!

O Lord, who placed this song in me, my heart yearns but is not satisfied!

O Lord, what can sum up your glory, satisfying my heart in the expression of it, return in full what I have seen and experienced?

O Lord, in the excess of these attempts my heart is lost and my mind for a moment passes deep into your presence, helpless but secure, overwhelmed but fearless, all affection unified on its object!

O Lord, this is as close to perfection as I can approach in this weak flesh, this heart bliss, this abandonment to your holy presence, for alone in my spirit am I clean, and my body cannot bear your presence!

O Lord, when Uzzah touched the ark he died, yet before you my fear changes into love, or rather the fear remains but becomes an empty thing in my self-forgetfulness, retaining the same shape but filled with a holy affection, fear and love mixed, disappearing, or becoming one thing, the obedience-love of the humble heart!

O Lord, my humility is not a conscious act, though it is chosen and sought, but it is the quietness of stilled heart, the quietness that exists side-by-side with my shouts and dancing!

O Lord, if I am undignified before you, it must increase, it must increase, until all dignity loses meaning, for there is no dignity in your presence!

O Lord, to kneel before you is an action of the soul, and so I kneel, I, the king, but a king at your pleasure, according to your great oath, and so I must be the first to lose my dignity, so that none in this kingdom would cling to theirs!

O Lord, my heart is humble and my eyes are not haughty!

O Lord, my heart is proud!

O Lord, I am a mixed man but in my praise I am purified, for my heart is taken and forgotten, a one-direction soul, my own self lost in the motions of the moment, all my heart his!

O Lord, take, take, take, for I want none of it, I want nothing of myself, for to possess myself is to lose myself, and my heart is my betrayer!

O Lord, take me, take me, I am yours and I have no power to produce, though my heart nearly breaks in the attempt, and I yearn to pour out all that I have, but you must take me!

O Lord, the frustration of this heart is that it cannot fulfill its desire, it cannot praise as it wants, O Lord, my heart longs to long as you would have me long, as you deserved to be longed after!

O Lord, I have no power to praise aright, all this is a mercy, all this is your great condescension, that God would accept praise from a man!

O Lord, you made all things!

O Lord, it hurts, it aches, this heart within me, feeling perhaps the pains of separation, the very nearness of my approach exposing the gulf that still remains, for you are invisible and my eyes cannot yet bear your presence!

O Lord, it hurts because it seeks, it hurts because my soul longs for you, because I long for you and you are denied me, in fullness, these tastes are enough to awaken my soul, but I will forever remain unsatisfied in this pain-filled flesh!

O Lord, the very hurting is a joy for what it holds out to me, confirming as it does the remaking that has fit me and will fit me for the joy of your presence!

O Lord, this is the promised hope, for Abraham, for his descendants, for me, and one day for all nations, O Lord, no rest for your people until you have done it!

O Lord, I will vow, no rest, no rest, set upon your walls men, the walls of Zion, men who will watch and pray and hope and cry out and call upon you, until that great day when all nations bow before the splendor of this ark!

O Lord, all this is shadow, this dancing before the ark of your presence, for though you protect it fiercely, we do not yet see you, though we seek you in shadow, we are satisfied only in substance, and my great dancing now only prepares me for the great dance to come, when music will be living, when it sill be perfected, the moments extended, satisfying and satisfied in one great dance, all motion but perfectly still, never ceasing or starting, when this flesh is burned away for all time, not abandoned, for you O Lord, you O Most High, O beautiful One, you have made known to me the paths of life, with eternal pleasures at your right hand, this promise in shadow, fullness to come, dignity and humiliation forgotten in the new body, O Lord, let it be so!