On the Cusp

O Lord, here I am!

My son, so far I have brought you.

O Lord, I am ready, I am eager, I will work, I will labor.

My son, it is the work of my Spirit within you.

O Lord, what protects me, what guides me, what leads me?

My son, it is my Spirit alone.

O Lord, my plans, my efforts, my skills, what are they?

My son, ten talents with which you may please me.

O Lord, may I please you in this labor, in this work? How?

My son, in the manifestation of Christ in you, for he has transformed you and made you competent for it.

O Lord, may ask for more, may I seek what my heart desires but which seems presumptuous?

My son, do you limit your asking according to my power? If you do, than ask it.

O Lord, but is it not pride to ask for such increase, for such blessing?

My son, pride is mixed in all that you do. Repent of it, ask, and let me cleanse you.

O Lord, I fear your disfavor, your punishment, that you will see need to humble me before I may be used.

My son, I am pleased with you.

O Lord, will you really bless me? Dare I hope it?

My son, walk in the confidence of the peace of your justification, sealed in the Spirit. What comes, be content with. You are blessed.

O Lord, I fear that the sin that yet remains will hinder me, that my work will be spoiled, my labor fruitless.

My son, all work is cursed, even this holy work of ministry, cursed not in the ends it may produce, but in the satisfaction that may be had by it. If you seek an unspoiled work, you will be always disappointed. Seek faithfulness instead, trusting in what I will do with the talents you bring. You are my servant.

O Lord, me? Why?

My son, this is the mystery of my grace, to use such a man as you. Let me use whom I will use.

O Lord, but my sins, some so recent, still so present, yea, even today!

My son, all the men I ever used said the same, indeed you know your sin but weakly compared to some of them. But in order that I might display my mercy to the world, I use men like you, that all those you speak to will know that this mercy is for all that I call.

O Lord, then what remains?

Rest in me, take heart, and run toward the battle lines with all your strength.